Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener

Or a squinty eyed Asian. Allow me to explain why. You see, Thursday night I was up to til 4 am doing various and sundry things, neglecting the fact that I had to be up for breakfast at 7. Well, the rest of the day I was hurting to keep my eyes open. I was tired, my eyes were tired, and it took quite some exertion to keep my eyes open in class. Then I began to think, "hmm, I wonder how much easier it would be to keep my eyes open, if... say I was Asian??? Now, I hope this doesn't sound racist or whatever. I guess you could say I'm actually in admiration of those people of the Asian persuation.
You can see I've done some technical analysis, using the latest in today's technology* and it would in fact be almost 8 times easier to keep my eyes open if I were in fact oriental. Combined with tiredness factor (x2) and that's 16 times easier. Wouldn't that be amazing? I've heard of people with squinty eyes getting surgery to make them less squinty, more American looking, which makes me wonder if there is a reverse procedure for people like myself. Just a thought.

*technology used was Microsoft Paint and numbers are actually made up