Teen Angst

It feels slightly melodramatic dedicating a post to what some would call angst and emotional insecurities, but that's me right now. My sixteen-day hiatus allowed me to realize what it is to live again. Seeing friends and family was part of that, however reacclimating myself to the civilian culture really brought me back a different time in my life. Life's simple pleasures such as going out for coffee and a bagel at the Good Bean in the morning cease to exist now that I'm back at the Academy.

I miss having a real life. This is not to say life here is horrible- its far from that. Life at the Air Force Academy is busy, stressful, and full of surprises. Its also easy, stress free, and simple. I don't worry about bills, what to wear in the morning, and I'm served three square meals a day. I have a gym, supermarket, barbershop, library, and church all within walking distance of my dorm room, and someone else does my laundry and drycleaning. My responsibility comes in the form of school, squadron duties, and military obligations. Therein lies the problem. School is great, but the other two feel superfluous. I have to question whether shining my shoes, starching my clothes, making my bed, or taking out 90 upperclassmen's trash (I did this last Thursday) is really developing discipline or merely replacing the responsibilities of a normal college student. I don't know.

This brings me to my last quandary, qualm, confusion, conundrum: Am I really cut out for a career in the military? Sometimes I think so because the complaints of the previous paragraphs are forgotten. Life is good. Then I start to wonder what if....What if I went to a real college? Would I like it better? What if my Papa dies while I'm here? Will I feel regret? What if I never fall in love here? Will I end up the 40 year old virgin?

Anyways, those are my feelings this Saturday evening as I sit in my room listening to Portishead (the older stuff). I think I'm finished explaining my angst. Peace.